Riches v. Thanksgiving, et al.

More often then you would imagine a person or group brings a lawsuit against an intangible being. In this case a prisoner representing himself (pro se) has brought suit against Thanksgiving and Black Friday among other parties. I've edited this order of dismissal and removed a lot of the legal jargon. This case was dismissed for failure to state a claim for relief that falls within the courts jurisdiction, so there. (cognizable)

Jonathan Lee RICHES, Plaintiff,
v.
THANKSGIVING, et al., Defendants.
Dec. 28, 2007.

Plaintiff, a federal prisoner, filed this complaint against “Thanksgiving, Pilgrims, Mayflower Movers, Pilgrim Pride, Turkey Hill, Black Friday, Corn on the Cob, Cleveland Indians.”
...
Plaintiff states that the Thanksgiving holidays “offend” him. He alleges his Sixth Amendment rights are being violated because he cannot spend the holidays with his friends and family. He further alleges that “defendants are responsible for higher traffic",are “conspiring with the oil companies to drive up gas prices,” and that Thanksgiving is “responsible for his mistreatment.” He also claims that “Defendants are in violation of separation of church and state.” Plaintiff seeks 1 million in damages, and for a restraining order against the celebration of the Thanksgiving holidays. The defendants named by plaintiff appear to be various private food companies, a baseball team, a holiday, and the day after Thanksgiving. To the extent any of these defendants are actual entities that may be sued, they are private organizations that do not act under color of state law, an essential element of a § 1983 action. Purely private conduct, no matter how wrongful, is not covered under § 1983. Accordingly, plaintiff has failed to state a cognizable claim for relief under § 1983.